Dear Ffd,
You sound like you know yourself very well and you probably know what you need to do to make your life better. You appreciate everything you have but then contradict this by using. This is essentially your ego saying you will be able to deal with it. I assume sniffing until you can’t sniff any longer, nose blocked, blood, numb gumming, looking at the floor for bits that may be what you think they are after you’ve run out, licking the wrapper, Your high comes crashing down followed by deep remorse the dread of what have I done. You’re smart enough to realize what your doing but can’t for the life of you pack it in. You also must know the outcome, this can’t carry on for ever. You have two choices, keep going and let it take everything you have away from you, your loved ones, your health and sanity or somehow deep inside somewhere just somewhere there is a strength buried inside you that has the capability of putting this terrible addiction to bed. You know there is a better version of you, be her!