Thank you for posting and sharing your story. I’m sorry that you feel so guilty about the decisions you are making around your partner’s drinking and are feeling depressed and anxious. It’s very hard what you are going through.
If you would like some support please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for people in the same situation that you find yourself in. We have trained and experienced people who you could talk with. They are good listeners and would understand what you are dealing with and may be able to help you make sense of how you are feeling.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.