Hiya, it’s funny you ask that because yes I did. I think twice. The 1st time was when she was pregnant(which I regret) it was after I cheated and I thought I feel happier on my own and I moved out in a friend’s house, and I used more and more. My using went worse. All this was in the space of 4 month I’d say. Then my boy was born and after a month, she had another lad round, and I couldn’t bare see her with anyone else so I moved back. The 2nd time was 2 year ago. I just had enough, moved back in my mums and got a house and I just had to wait for it to be done up. Again this was over 4 month. Again I was using more, even in my mum and dad’s house which I’m ashamed off. My using was the worse during this time.
I think I was having a mini mid life crisis even though am 37 lol. But there is a pattern here in which I noticed. I was doing my best to quit coke. And everytime I thought I’d be better on my own away from it all. When in fact it got worse. I can’t do it without my gf and kids. I’m better here. If I wasn’t here I’d be using all the time and powerless over my addiction. They was stupid mistakes. The grass ain’t always greener and I learned that. She took me back. I know stupid ain’t she.
It’s hard to explain shutting feelings out. Because I was depressed and I’m on tabs. Some mornings I’d wake up downstairs at 3am on my own and just cry. And it’s hard to tell anyone that. I didn’t know if I was depressed because I don’t know what it felt like if that makes sense.
My gf is good to me. But she has a big temper so we argue a bit and it’s hard to show her feelings as sometimes she not interested. Some people just want to forget the things they have done or doing and blank it that way. Or can just be embarrassed.