Thanks for you reply Danman. You set out really nicely the steps that have helped you. I think what worries me most is just how much cocaine use pervades his workplace. His boss is banned from driving this year due to drink driving but I suspect it was cocaine drink driving and when I suggested it to my husband he didn’t deny it. But still he doesn’t think his boss has a problem as this is all just so normal in his circle of peers.
My husbands good friend deals him cocaine. They have been friends for 15 years. During our marriage my husband has gone through various ups and downs with what I thought was drinking. Looking back I can see it was related to cocaine but he was such a good liar and I guess i just loved him and believed it all.
I just feel this is never going away unless like you said he completely wipes it all from his life – including work, friends and dealers that are related to it. I also think like you that as drinking seemed to be where it all started he probably has to stop that too. But without selling our house and starting again I can’t see it happening! Such a nightmare.
When i try to talk to him about it my suggestions are taken as a lecture and he says he is sick of these interventions! It makes me want to just give up but he has no real friends and he won’t talk to his family. Both his mum and dad have passed away so even the family he has is not close to him.
I wish he would reach out and get formal help from the doctor etc and atleast then I could begin to feel like we were going in the right direction. It is so hard to not come across as being forceful towards him and getting into a fight. I know you are right that he has to do this for himself but sometimes I wonder if he cares enough about himself to actually do that.