Hello, I just wanted to reply to your post. I could relate hugely. I just found out in January that my husband has secretly been taking cocaine heavily. It was a huge shock. Our marriage was in decline and I had no idea it was drugs. We started a family and I thought he was struggling with that (we went through a lot). He blames me for everything including saying it is ‘escapism’ from our marriage. It’s so hurtful. Not long after I found out he cut us off in every way possible and has been so vile and nasty. It is a living hell.
I’ve told my family as I’ve had to move back near to them and they are completely shocked too. He too has a good income and job which is why I never knew about money going missing etc .
I sort of backed him into a corner in how I found out – after a particularly nasty incident he took cash out of my purse, a friend suggested drugs – by this point I was desperate to understand why his behaviour was as bad as it was (two years of decline!) so I researched addiction/ drug use and our lives were textbook to it. So I threatened him with a hair test to prove it. Of course he said I was crazy as it’s what he likes me and his family to think. I don’t think he would have told me otherwise.
I’ve left him and started divorce proceedings. I’m devastated though. We had such a good life with it all to live for. He has seen a GP who has referred him to help and he has apparently started that but it’s taken months / weeks to get to a first appointment which is all virtual and I think he still thinks it’s not that much of a big deal. Like it’s a problem but not horrific. He has become more rational now but we had about 5 weeks of nothing from him – except really really bad behaviour, constant blaming me/ violent/ abusive/ depressive – I don’t know if was because he stopped taking it and maybe now he is calmer because he is back on it. It’s so hard. He has the means to go into a rehab (I know this isn’t always right, I just think he could benefit mentally) but hasn’t and it seems to be not a huge deal that he is getting help. Certainly not trying to convince me or anything – when to me it should be the biggest thing so he can eventually have a relationship with his children again.
He definitely doesn’t think he is an addict because despite telling me he was using every other day (worse since lockdown too) he can apparently go weeks (apparently 3 weeks once late last year) without it too.
Can you ever ever trust/ rebuild with someone like this. I’m devastated as it’s not the man I married. He really is a monster.
I hope you are ok. It’s so hard to talk to anyone who understands.