The vile and nasty behaviour was a common occurence just after I found out also. It was his way of ending conversations. My husband made me so angry at times that I felt suicidal. Even now when I talk to him I aim to be calm and I try to be calm but I can feel my heart racing like I am in fight or flight mode.
Due to lock down I had no other choice but to spend the year still living together. Before lockdown I had found a new job and was making steps to move on financially but the job fell through due to the fact that I am 100% responsible for looking after our son.
In a way the year has mellowed me but the damage is probably already done. I have no idea if I could ever fully trust him again but part of me still holds onto hope that my son will have a dad as he grows up.
The alternatives of divorce bring in whole new awful stressful things and top of my list is what happens to our son. Right now my husband spends time with him when he is awake, it is nothing like a normal family life and we haven’t been out for a year! Still they play some video games and because I don’t ask my husband to do anything else he is coping. Before now I worked on Saturday mornings and it created a nightmare. Now I know it was because he hadn’t slept so he was being awful to our son. It was horrible. I would never let that happen again. It has effected our sons behaviour.
I feel until my husband fully submits to finding treatment and proves that he is serious I will assume he is just on the road to relapse. I am going to try not to get drawn into it though. Before now I would be looking for evidence and spending time analysing his voice etc. All I can do now is tell him that I am here when he is ready. And make no promises to him. I try to remember the me I was when I met him. I would have run a mile from someone who treated me like he has. So until I see someone who treats me how I deserve to be treated I will leave him to his own devices.
Good luck with your own situation, having family who you can talk to is so important. I think I lost myself for a while keeping it secret and this year I have decided to share more with friends and family and it gives me strength.