I have just read through all these stories and my heart is flying out through my chest. I found out 3 weekends ago that my husband has been doing cocaine in secret for the past 2 1/2 years.
We have been together 17 years and married 13. We have 4 kids and 2 granddaughters. I thought we shared everything. We met through the underground music scene and have used cocaine recreationally, as well as other typical dance drugs. We never went mad on it though because of kids/work etc. Though i know he hit it hard sometimes before we met when he was in a rougher crowd. We always promised never at home, never around the kids and always together.
Unknown to me in Autumn 2018 he bought extra coke and put aside. He started a bit at a time at weekends late evenings. Over time in 2019 he started treating me like crap. I nearly kicked him out xmas 2019 because he jumped out of bed and went crazy on me. Pushing me and throwing stuff. Throughout 2020 he has literally terrorised me or ignored me. I have threatened him with the police most weekends. The house got wrecked and i wanted to die. He was vile and heartless. I thought it was because he was hitting gin too hard.
Finally things seemed to settle down a bit and we made it through xmas 2020. Promises were made and i started to forgive him for being so cruel.
Two weeks ago he got seen by his business partner’s friend buying drugs. That’s when it all came out. He was basically doing it every day for 2020. Morning, noon and night. No wonder he was being so horrible. He tried to stop but he couldn’t. He’s almost died off it then done more. But still protected his secret and carried on being horrible.
The day i found out i rang cauk. They are amazing and are helping him realise what on earth he has done. He will be clean 3 weeks tomorrow.
I am a complete and utter mess. All my memories for the last 2.5 years have been turned upside down. I cannot even get my head round the lies and sneaking around. I thought we were in this together. My heart is broken and i can barely function. All the signs were there but i trusted him. My future is also unknown. I’m completely reliant on him for money as he runs a business that has given us a very comfortable life after years of being skint. I don’t want to lose my home, my garden or my kids dreams for the future. But his business partner is struggling.
I’m struggling. My husband is struggling. He wants to get better and he looks already like a shadow was lifted. He looks me in the eye for the first time in years. He said he hated what he was doing but just couldn’t stop. I hope he can do this but i am so, so scared for the future and know that it is completely out of my hands.