I’m sorry to hear your story. I’ve been in the same situation also. Cocaine is such an evil drug. My partner was massively addicted. But he denied it for months, to the point I had no other choice but to leave. It turned him into someone I didn’t recognise. I’d had enough, more difficult for those with commitments and children I understand but they becomes a point when you have to stop and put yourself first. Maybe me leaving was the push he needed, he was rock bottom but I had to leave for my own sanity. He is now 6 months clean, no cocaine/alcohol nothing. I’m very proud of him.
But he needed to want to stop for him. If they don’t they will continue to do it and push away those close to them as they are ‘in the way’ of it. My partner has been very honest about it now and he knows he bad he was and tbh he’s lucky I came back after everything but it’s difficult when you love someone and see how hard they’ve worked to make things right. I still worry for the future at times. Will he relapse and I don’t find out? Will he go downhill again and start lying? When lockdowns over will it start again? The damage is so deep rooted it’ll be a long time before I trust him completely. Maybe give him an ultimatum? It’s so hard I know! Stay strong xx