Hi, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. As a woman who likes a drink and surely drinks far more than is healthy, I would say that you / she need to figure out what is making her drink so much. The root cause, whether it be depression or trauma, can be helpful in getting her to stop – however she must want to. Also, she needs to recognise that these things can be habitual, and it’s a slippery slope. The first time she had a drink before midday she probably thought “hey, this is a bit cheeky, but why shouldn’t I?” And now it’s just become the norm for her.
Sit her down when she’s not drunk / hungover (I realise this could be difficult) and explain to her how you’re feeling and how it’s affecting you. You say you have kids? For me, I want to stop drinking for them, because I’m a better mother without alcohol. She needs therapy and support, not judgement or anger (although I’m sure you feel both those things). Do you drink?