I think that being at a stage where recovery could be a thing is new to me. Its what is making me anxious. My expectations of how it should go and what he should be like. I think I have researched the part about addiction loads. I know all the signs and the behaviour etc but I haven’t really looked into recovery.
I am going to take this week to try and read more and find help for me. I think expecting him to be remorseful is probably where I am going wrong, and might even be making him feel worse.
Tonight I am going to cook a family dinner and talk about nothing related to this stuff. Thats what my son needs. We don’t eat together usually as my husband is never hungry in the evening from cocaine use and I got sick of throwing away food I made for him.
Later we can see where we are at with everything else. I think struggling with whether to let him back into my life is probably hardest. Almost like I have felt better when I shut him out and also felt that it was better for us all. But it isn’t the answer.