Hey! I’m getting there thank you, I deleted & blocked him off everything a couple of days ago as I was still in contact with him but the lies just kept coming & I had to see the manipulation for what it was – so I’ve been really down again but I know I’ve got to keep moving forward. He’s been sleeping with girls in the village who are buying in to all his nonsense & I just feel so humiliated, embarrassed & like I could run away. Work have started to realise there is something seriously wrong With him (not just depression/all the other random things he keeps coming up with) so it won’t be long till it all unravels, it’s just been so hard when he’s made me the scapegoat for everything & people are still buying his lies while I’m the one left heartbroken & destroyed. I’m hopefully moving away in a couple of months as everything is just a constant reminder of him & I’m still torn between feeling sad for him, angry at him, embarrassed for him, guilty myself, it’s awful. He’s absolutely destroyed my life & mental heath but the only person he is concerned about is himself & that evil white powder. Like you say, it’s so hard knowing you will never really get the closure/answers we so desperately want. I really hope he gets the help he needs but until he is ready to be honest with himself he will be stuck in that black hole forever & I am not willing to get stuck in that with him. I’m so glad you’re feeling better & it’s given me hope that it will keep getting easier. I just want to have hope for the future again & it’s hard to see that at the moment. Like you, all my friends have been shocked & horrified by it all, they have all been brilliant with me but it gets to a point where I feel guilty for going on about it all the time! I just want it to stop consuming my every thought as I beat myself up about that too. Fingers crossed it’s onwards & upwards from here x
