Hello EvieB,
I know it’s easier said than done and I know it’s also possible for willpower to keep addiction at bay for short periods or longer periods, a few months maybe a year. This is the danger. The fact is that you’re seeking some answers some affiliation and confirmation to what you’re going through. This could be an initial step to setting yourself free and seeking an alternative route. You have to try and identify the triggers of how and when you tell yourself it’s acceptable to relapse. You have all the answers inside you. Don’t let the past haunt you or tempt you. When you’re feeling vulnerable take one day at a time, let the days turn to weeks the weeks to months and then further onto years. Don’t harm yourself EvieB believe you can do it! you’re worth more and deserve better than that in this life.