Hi bexdean,
I am on the opposite side of what you describe. My husband and i have often used drugs recreationally in the past and always promised we would only ever do them together.
Just over 2 years ago my husband put aside some coke for himself. Since that time his usage increased and our relationship fell apart. At his worst he terrorised me last year. But i still had no idea what he was doing. I knew something was up but it never occurred to me he would betray me in such a horrible way. The truth came out three weeks ago and frankly I’ve had what they would have called a nervous breakdown in the old days.
He is getting past the addiction and im on some serious medication myself now for the shock. This is our chance to save the marriage.
What im getting at us the secrecy and lies are what killed me, not the drug use so much. Though the facts surrounding how much he was doing and where/when are awful too.
I strongly recommend you speak to your partner about how you’re feeling before you get in any deeper.
Good luck xx