I have to admit, unless you count texts (because we are living hundreds of miles apart) as writing it down then I havnt. But sometimes my texts do as you say – I spend time wording them to not blame (we had a few marriage counselling sessions too but I didn’t know about the cocaine at this point) but whatever I say be it calm, angry, frustrated, nice – it makes no difference. He avoids and ignores. He also has an issue with control which is why I think he also ignores and withholds on conversations to do with his children even financially supporting them. The problem is my husband wants it all his own way so as soon as a civil conversation turns to a subject he wants to avoid it ends.
I have reached a point this week – up until now I’ve wanted to still be in touch with him, let him see the children virtually hoping it will make him realise but it hasn’t. If anything he is worse. Emotionless. It’s too heartbreaking and we don’t deserve it as much as it hurts like hell to ‘write him off’ but dealing with him only adds pain and confusion and I’m about at my limit. Doing what I’ve been doing is only allowing him to stay in denial. I’ve felt to blame and guilty that I’ve not perhaps been more supportive because it seems an accepted thing in the area that he is in/ we used to live. I’ve recently confided in some family members who were unaware and their reaction has given me the small confidence boost I needed to realise he is very much doing something that is not acceptable especially when he has young children (which I know) but I feel up until this point his closer relatives havnt even acknowledged it as a serious problem & In doing so are also enabling him.
Stan4 that’s an interesting perspective and one that gives me a little more confidence in that what I am now doing (letting him go) is probably for the best.