omg the damned man cave grrrr…. yep!!!!! i hate that room now, and he also told me in that room too…as it’s out of the way from the main house!!!! i knew he was sneaking around and even tried catching him out, but i just thought maybe he was watching blue movies and hitting the gin. His temper was so insane it was best to steer clear of him last year.
One thing that i have found helps is trying (difficult though it is) to be objective. For one thing i try to view the problems he has got as i would towards any other human, not the husband who has let me down and broken my heart. The other thing to keep to the front of your mind is that they are in the grip of a very powerful addiction which is completely dominating their every thought. It’s not personal no matter what they say or do. It’s not really even them talking to you because their body and mind is completely hijacked by this stuff.
I told my husband as far as I’m concerned he completely lost the plot that first time he sneaked off behind my back (we’ve used drugs together recreationally in the past at music events but promised it was always both of us or neither of us). He went temporarily insane. He knew the risks and he knew what he was getting into. But that selfish little addiction voice in his head tricked him into believing he was entitled to do the drugs. The more he did it, the more guilt and the voice got louder too. He apparently nearly overdosed in his man cave on more than one occasion. But still the addiction made him carry on.
Imagine that… being so caught up in your own insanity that your wife or kids could have come down snd discovered you dead…yet still carrying on.
In your position I’d cut ties completely and just tell the kids daddy is too poorly to speak at the moment. He needs to hit his own proper bottom before he will realise.
xxx