Sal98,
I, like you, wondered why I couldn’t just pack my bags and leave everytime my husband relapsed. I think I had become co-dependent on him. My husband is now 15 months clean from cocaine, never before has he managed more than 6 months. He cannot drink alcohol, so in 15 months has not drunk any alcohol or used any cocaine. Its so nice living with someone when you know how he’ll react at any given time to any situation. I’ve never had that before.
Don’t get me wrong I will probably always worry about certain people turning his head, or that invite to a social event that you now dread. In fact lockdown has done us massive favours, as those things havent been a concern.
Why didn’t I leave….. probably fear that if I did would make him spiral to even worse, and not wanting that on my conscience was certainly one reason. In addition, we have a child together and the thought of having to leave her with him when he was an active user was not also worth the utter dread that would come with that scenario. Thankfully things are good at present, I also probably thought ‘at some point when he stops, he’ll stop for good right’ always hoping. Maybe this time is it.
Sending love, and positive strength. Lord knows, we need it. x