Just re-read my post. Its very factual… I left out all my feelings, worries, heart ache.
I can describe loving an addict as being on very thin ice… just waiting to fall. My stomach is constantly in my throat. I’m sleep deprived, I have spent years laying in bed, listening for his use or the door going. I’ve lost hours trying to find evidence of his use and weeks searching everytime he goes on a bender. I turn into a crazed women… trying to catch him.
Crying into my pillow or in my car out of sight of my kids and colleagues. Withdrawing from my family and friends.
He actually made and makes me feel worthless and crazy. What sane women searches her toilet for evidence??? Or keeps doing this.
I was enabling his addiction by allowing him to keep coming back. The guilt I feel for his behaviour on our family is overwhelming.
Trust is re- earnt, re -broken. Every time he lies to my face a bit more of me dies.
His addiction has destroyed me as a person. I have no confidence, question everything and am lower than ever.
I loved my job, but can no longer work with addiction as I feel like a failure. My new job is a job, I’m greatful to have one.
This is the first time his addiction is actually about me and how I feel!!!!!
I’m lonely, hurt and so bloody exhausted.