Hi Emjay
First of all you are far from a failure! Trying to support your partner is much more difficult to deal with due to the emotional ties you have with him.
I can relate to your feeling of worthlessness. I myself feel like this along with being non existent at times in my partners eyes. The daily struggles are emence and the craziness I think is human nature. You are wanting answers to the questions you are constantly asking yourself in your own mind.
I like you understand addiction. Mainly due to it being part of my life for over 10 years. One thing I don’t fully understand is my partner. Not in the sense of his cycle or his behavioural patterns. More in the way of the person he has become. I dont know that person, he is not the person i fell in love with. The drugs have changed him just like it does with most people. It completely takes over their mind. You will never be able to understand the addict because it is not the person you love.
I hope your hurt eases and remember you are not alone, so many people are out there in similar situations. It’s heartbreaking how it affects families and not just the addict. Stay strong