Hiya, thankyou for your kind words and thank you for responding.
In all honesty Id love to give you a story or a reason as to why all of a sudden I’ve been able to stay off it recently but I can’t. I honestly don’t know. The reason I say that is because there has been countless times ive been at ‘rock bottom’ my and I’ve sworn to myself or others that I’d never touch it again and I always did. That’s the scariest part about the addiction. The people who are really suffering are torn between wanting so bad to never think of coke again but the devil inside of them has such a tight grip. There’s so many genuine scientific reasons why this is and ways cocaine chemically alters a person’s way of thinking and tricks them into forgetting all the hurt so that they keep going back and I’d recommend anyone who is being affected by a partner or loved ones addiction to really research addiction and try to understand that the person who is addicted is probably fighting daily with an illness they have no control over.
With that being said, it probably sounds silly for me or anyone to say that they feel like they have ‘broken free’ given the fact that I and most of us have time and time again slipped back to old habits unwillingly but i just feel different within myself. For example, for the first time I can remember I’m not thinking about my next payday in a week or so as in “who can I tick from now because its close enough to payday to get tick” but more like I can’t wait to see what a months pay feels like without buying gear or thinking about even I’m actually going to buy myself some new trainers that I’ve needed now for months. Because even though trainers cost like £50 I’d not want to buy any but would think nothing of blowing 1000 in the first week of being paid on coke.
To get back to things that can help you…
How is your boyfriends standard of living? Does he somehow always seem to get by even when he’s blown everything on coke? Does he regret or show that he wants to give up? Has it affected any friendships? Or relationship? His work? Anything like that?
Is he besides the addition a good person / boyfriend?
The thing I’ve found is that he may of like me got to a point where he manages to always survive and even though he may hate the part of him that’s addicted he still has everything he needs around him so the good part of him that is the decent person hasn’t been forced yet to fight off the evil part and the addiction.
I have so many things I’d love to ask you for the girlfriends point of view like for example, why do Partners stay with someone who is treating them so bad when they know what they are doing but then equally (in some cases) seem to not want to help them over come the addiction and instead create a cat and mouse situation where they are always trying to catch them out or find evidence they are lying? Not saying you do that but I feel alot of guys have that scenario.
Ultimately the only 2 things that will put a stop to addiction in my opinion are. The person really wanting to stop. And having support from the person they care about most.
Sorry for the long message but it’s nice to talk about this with someone from the other side.
I hope you’re okay and if there’s anything I can do to help you please let me known