Hey James thank you for your great reply to me.
Sorry this is a long one 🙂
I am so happy to read this post your positivity is so inspiring.
I have done so much reading up and watched so many videos on addiction and I am so interested in it I guess to try to get an understanding and to see how I can help.
In terms of his situation. Well I guess he’s scraping by really everything has been effected by it in every aspect of his life. He has a job where if he got tested he would be sacked immediately and from time to time they do test so what he does if he’s going to use he will book a Monday off and if no holiday he chances it. But in terms of his career it’s drinking as well that has held him back because when he uses he don’t get up in the morning but he has severe PTSD due to stuff that’s happened and he’s adopted so it’s all a big escape for him I think he needs help for his issues I think before the addiction.
For him his life is like a Merry go round it seems pattern of using and then the next day he is vile literally horrible, moody, snappy and I just know he’s hating himself on a big fat downer of self hate and gutted he spent all that money to feel that shite.
Don’t get me wrong James I know how hard addiction is but how I look at it is this
It over rides your brain and people don’t enable addicts ultimately it’s the addicts decision and yes I agree it’s an illness where it effects the brain and the thoughts but if you understand that is the case and acknowledge it your living proof you can change your decision to use.
That’s just my view and what do I know I have never taken a drug in my life and that’s the reason why I never will I have seen what it does to people.
So in answer to your question why do we stay?
Last year I did leave him for 4 months because he was so bad he just kept being vile and I love him but I don’t have to take that. He was devestated and he did still
stay in contact with me writing me letters promising he changed as well saying he’s getting help and he’s going to gym etc and honestly he is a lot better than he was but he’s still using 3-4 times a week for sure. I am here because he is a good man outside of that he can be lovely he’s generous and when he’s straight he’s loving and I feel sorry for him I guess and know it’s not him really.
I do not play cat and mouse it’s pointless because the only person who gets stressed and wound up would be me if I did that. I look at it like this it’s his life, his money, his job, not mine I take care of my own stuff I have my own home good job and life money etc I don’t give him money he would never except it or ask anyway as he is a very proud man. I look after my own well-being doing things I love and enjoy and when he and I spend time together we try to enjoy it. I know he did it this weekend Friday night he did some he thinks I don’t know which is silly because he goes to the loo a lot lol sniffs a lot nose running he’s extra chatty lol I watched him when he was acting strange and I knew he was getting stuff dropped off and put in his car wheel. The story about having to move his car etc all lies.
I seen it all really but I looked at it that when he came over he had every intention not to sniff gear but had a few drinks which we know is fatal then had to have it.
He didn’t do anything yesterday he gone home now and I am pretty sure he may use tonight. He might not he’s calling me later so I will know.
But he’s a grown man I am here for him if he wants support or help to stop but outside of that he has to want to do it himself ah
I have read about giving them ultimatums like stop or I am leaving I haven’t done that but I did leave last year.
I worry though about the health side of it there have been a couple of times when I thought he was going to die, his heart is thumping so hard and fast it’s scary and one night his whole lips went blue I thought this is it he’s going to have a heart attack. Awful
The other thing I notice is he has trouble sometimes with his memory he has blanks that’s all the time not just when he’s using it.
He also suffers from problems in the man department which is because of the effects on his vascular system and it can become permanent which is such a worry is coke worth it ??? I ask myself to not have a healthy sex life ever again that should be motivation for anyone to not ever use coke again surely?
Anyway I am rattling on
Honestly ask me anything you want to know it is so helpful to me to understand better
Thank you James xx