I’ve had little response, but posting really helps.
My husband did not return home… stayed clean and attended C.A. one week on.
Yesterday was his lapse…. he needed the car to get to a meeting.
I returned home from work to find him outside my house waiting to borrow the car.
My handbag, housekeys, purse and work keys were all in the car. He left before I could grab them.
He was edgey, avoiding eye contact and hyper. I knew instantly he was guilt riddled and needed to go. Maybe I should have stopped him? Maybe confronted him… but he’s not under my roof and I’m actually numb.
A little bit of me was also hoping the policia would stop him.
He messaged to say he was on his way back after the meeting. 2 hours later not back. Endless texts/ calls sent and ignored.
Called people. Called contact at Ca. He attended, but left early. They do not divulge, but said he was hyper and made excuse to leave after 40 minutes.
The guy was concerned and said he would call around.
My anxieties are by this point unratable…. thinking he was dead, then relapsed, then how the f*** was I going to get into my premises of work or to work. What were my clients and staff going to say…. crazy thoughts…but he was my least concern this time.
Anger, hurt, hate and a reminder why I’m letting go.
He left my keys and car outside my house at 06.34 this morning. I saw him on the cameras…. another sorry text received, SORRY.!!!! Me……I was sorry I had to clean evidence from my car, and urine.
2 hours sleep, kids to school. Work for 9 hours…. Home, kids, chores. A bit emotional. Been doing this for a decade, but I’m exhausted.
Texts of denial, apologies, sympathy pitches. I remain silent, I’m out of words. Deep down I’m angry, hurt but thankful.
It’s the last time I will feel this. I’ve cut him off totally.
If I don’t I may lose me completely.
Addiction …the cruelest love.
I will remain here in my new country, my new job and enjoy my 4 beautiful babies and look forward to the UK allowing my 7 older children to visit. I’m not disillusioned… he will still cause bedlam, but from a distance.
Love and admiration for all of you still on the roundabout. Xx any success from lived ones experience appreciated. Xx