I really do feel for you. Because I don’t think you will get the answers you want either… neither your ex or her family seem anywhere near wanting to stop.. and that is the problem.
When you love an addict, anger becomes your second nature. Anger and heartache. You’ve had to walk out and leave behind your entire life because she is just too selfish to stop.. but be brutally honest with yourself.. what does that tell you about how much she values and loves you?
I’ve been where you are, and I would advise you just start to deal with the recurring thoughts. Not block them, but acknowledge them and then let them go. Just tell yourself.. ‘let it go’ because otherwise it will eat you up and make you angry. The pain does pass. Believe me. But you cannot possibly continue the way things are, you are completely at loggerheads over your lifestyles.