hi thanks for reading,
I have read about codependency relationships too, and have certainly noticed some similarities between that and my own relationship.
its weird because I don’t typical fall into the type of person to be like that, whereas my partners kids would be quite possibly likely to end up like that as they have spent all their lives surrounded by chaos and disorder and having to always put their mums emotions before their own.
although I guess in the time we were together I then had to start putting her feelings before my own too as does anyone around her.
I am just heartbroken by things really, and had invested all that time building what I thought was my future, I guess part of me did like having a sense of responsibility from it all.
Talking to a friend yesterday about it all, he pointed out that I was basically having to be the adult for all 3 of them, and this was largely the problem that the dynamic was all wrong, and she was incapable of being the parent.
essentially I never wanted to take care of them or anyone though, only to help them be better to themselves.
the thing that is so hard to explain to people especially anyone who hasn’t had a partner like this is that, when the “good” version of the partner is there, things are amazing and you feel invincible and on top of the world, but this is why when the bad version comes back it makes you fall so far.
And I am just clinging onto the top of the world still.
It really is just loving someone but there is 2 people in their head and you hate the other one, and trying to fight that one away.