Hi GFB91 and Holcat.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear both your stories. My problems are very different from yours, I have a son who is a drug addict, and get loads of support on another thread.
I was the daughter of a lifelong functioning alcoholic, and it was our family’s dark secret. It’s a terrible thing for anyone to live with. My dad had a stroke at the age of 78 having downed a mixture of beer and whiskey. He never wanted a drink after that and was never confronted with what he had put our family through.
My advice is that if you can find the strength go now. It probably is their best chance of facing up to their addiction. You could waste years of your life on this and there is no guarantee things will change. If they change then that’s amazing and you can be there to support them. The thing that happened in our family is that it diminished everyone. My mum to this day is in her own world and I became drawn to men I thought I could fix.
Holkat- you are having to look after step-children, with all of this going on. He is very lucky to have you but he’s sick and needs to get help so that he can be a decent father and partner.
The other thing is to talk to friends and relatives that you trust. Don’t let it be a secret, it will help if others know what you are dealing with and if your partners know that family/friends know about it.
Sorry if my advice sounds simplistic, I find my own problems with my son very difficult right now and it’s helped me to think about someone else, it’s always harder when you’re on the inside so please talk to other people.
I really wish you both all the best, and that if you decide to leave, you get the support you need.