You obviously have so much strength to do everything you can to quit and it’s really admirable. I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is. And I do agree with you, you at least this is what I go back and forth with all the time, why should I put up with all of this if he isn’t showing any willing to get better? But then the other side, should I be more supportive? Is there more I could do to understand it better or help him in some way? It’s a constant battle and it is draining.
I’ve said on a few posts on here I’ve been thinking for a while that I will leave but I can’t find the right way to say it but I did do it a few days ago. He doesn’t drink copious amounts but he’s now stopped drinking at home and instead goes out for long walks and buys cans at the shop to drink on his way round. He tells me he usually only gets 4 which I do believe because I can tell now how much he’s had by how drunk he seems. He hasn’t engaged with by support services since I’ve know him (3 years) but I know he has in the past before we met.
Last week I think it was Thursday night, I woke up at 2am and went downstairs, he’d been drinking and put a bread in the oven to bake (he’s a chef) and had fallen asleep on the sofa. Luckily the oven turned itself off but the bread was completely black and if it had been a gas oven it would have been a different story. This is after he wrote off my car last year (he had a small bump but airbags went off, I don’t know if he was over the limit but he had had a drink) So on Friday morning I had a proper talk with him. I said, I don’t want to do this anymore. It’s been 6 months, you’ve written off my car, nearly burnt the house down, I don’t want to be around you when you’ve had a drink which is most days, so what has to happen for you to get some help? You hurt yourself in the car? You burn the house down? Does someone have to be physically hurt for it to make you stop? So I said, this relationship isn’t anything , it’s crap, this isn’t working out and I don’t want to deal with it anymore so if that’s it and you’re going to carry on I don’t want to be with you.
He just said all the usual things, that he can stop and wants to stop, he’s going to try not to drink all this week as a start. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, didn’t drink. Monday, went out for a walk, not visibly drunk when he came back but later I smelled it on his breath. I just didn’t say anything. He wasn’t drunk so he probably only had one can, maybe 2 but that’s why it’s a problem isn’t it – he HAS to drink something even if it’s just one. I don’t know how long I’ll leave it before our next conversation but I want to believe I will go through with it.
It’s just such a rubbish situation all round at the moment, I can’t help but hope and wish he will stop or get some help, but I also have to be willing to accept that might not happen and I have to make a choice for myself about my future and the future of our relationship.