It is helping me too, to read that I am not alone. I feel that I am getting stronger every day since I told him he can’t come home until he is clean(he walked out on me to go for another binge)- that was 6 months ago- it was painful but I had to watch and listen to him spiraling and I had to resist- he was suicidal and weakened himself- I was running over to the hotel every night with home cooked meals- now I find out that even though he told me he had no energy to even go to the shop to get food, he was going to get a bottle of vodka every day. I know he has already relapsed since he was recently in rehab for 6 weeks. I just know the signs. Gaslighting makes you doubt yourself- but since I have had time on my own I am now healing and getting stronger. I am 50 now- but starting to feel confident that I will be able to move on. I am writing things in a journal. I would recommend it- it gets it out of your head and also reassures you about the lies and truth.
