Hiya, I’ll try to make this short as it’s late but I feel also I want to comment on this and I hope you understand where I’m coming from. I’ll start by saying I’m not making excuses for your husband or justifying his actions but I do feel that (and understandably so) when a partner finds something like this out they may be so hurt by their partners actions and feel betrayed that it’s easy to not try to understand the other person’s point of view.
Again I apologise if I’m out of line here but…….
Your husband is obviously buying he alcohol secretly so he is clearly aware that he is drinking too much. In some ways you could assume he is ashamed. I imagine he hasn’t always drank like this so there must be a reason why it’s got to this point.
A few things you mentioned may be worth looking into and discussing with him.
He had a good job and a I assume a loving relationship. He would of felt a level of pride. You say you have 2 children and its common knowledge that when couples have children a level of intimacy will always suffer. The mother is now focused on being a mum and has responsibilities with the children it’s easy for a man to feel neglected as a male doesn’t go through the same hormonal charges a woman does so desire to feel loved and have physical contact is still very much there for a man when for a woman that need is much less due to the need to be a mother and the hormonal side of things. Couple that with the fact he lost his job. He know may feel like he isn’t providing especially when he has young children he may feel ‘useless’ there’s also that you haven’t shared a bed so he again may be excluded from the family in some way like at bed time he’s sent off to his room. Theres also the lockdown element that has had huge effects on people’s mental health.
Imagine a man who is now sleeping in a bed in a room alone, who is feeling less affection from his partner than usual, who feels ashamed that he is no longer contributing financially to the household. That may of been a very bad place for him mentally and he found alcohol as his thing to take those feelings away.
I’m by no means saying any of this is your fault and please believe me I really do sympathise with what you’re going through but I hope that maybe trying to understand by asking him his root causes for the drinking it may help you to come back together as a family. It would be easy to push each other further anyway due to something like this but being honest and talking about both of your feelings may be able to find a way to bring you back togehter and help him with his drinking.
I hope nothing I said was out of line and wish you and your husband all the best x