David, thank you for sharing your story, I have taken some comfort in reading it and the comments. I feel for you all.
My story is very similar, bf won’t stop, can’t stop, switches between speaking about giving up, or his wanting of me to accept him for who he is.
David, I know it’s hard, you’re on that middle stone, you’ve reached a make or break scenario, it’s your time to step forward into the scary unknown or to step back to who and what you’ve come to love.
And I get it, it’s so hard because I bet there were so many good times and this family are fully woven into your person and your life. I can imagine you want for life to be everything you’ve hoped it would be for so long, with the people you’re so connected with. You’ve worked so so hard to make it good, all that time, energy, emotional, physical and financial support and for what.
That must be pretty damaging to anyone’s ego and sense of self, to feel your efforts shunned like this, but by no means are you a failure.
Working hard for something, when the outcome doesn’t just depend on your actions, but also on the actions and commitment of others, doesn’t guarantee success. It shows you’re a really strong balanced individual, who knows what they want and are willing to fight for it, but I’ve learnt that if the people you chose to try and build a good life with for so long aren’t sharing that same vision of what that life should be, they likely never will.
I urge you to listen to your gut. Sometimes, irrespective of how invested we’ve been, we have to step back. By the sounds of it too, you’re at a natural acceptable point in which you can do that. It’s hard to step forward into the unknown, but I urge you not to let fear hold you back.
I don’t know if anyone else finds this, but why do addicts seem to seek a relationship with a non-addict. My bf, the addict he is (lifelong crack) I’ve often asked him why he just isn’t with someone who is also an addict, who can accept because they are the same, he’s not interested in “that type of person” and would “rather be single”. I digress, and I suppose it’s all subjective.
David, I’m not at the stage you’re at, but I do feel I’m very close. In a way I’m
Preparing for the inevitable, with sadness and trepidation.
The one motivation I have is that hopefully at some point it will be my turn to have a good life, and I’ve been searching for it for a very long time, with limited success, but life is short and we only live once, so to hell with fear.
I wish you well in whatever happens next, I really do.