Thank you for your reply. Since writing my post he refused to leave (saying he would do it in his time not when I asked, even though it’s my house!) and has been joining CA meetings online every night since last week although yet to take the next step of getting the book and a sponsor. I’m fearful this is just a ploy to keep me quiet before the inevitable but of course a part of me is hopeful that it’s the start of a positive journey for him as this is the most committed I’ve seen him to a path of recovery. It still feels very chaotic as he veers from accepting the cocaine is losing him everything or blaming me for the trouble in our relationship. I guess this is because he knows the life of recovery takes a lot of hard work and it’s easier to blame outside factors for his problems. It’s like being caught in tornado. I’m barely sleeping and exhausted from my own internal battle of what’s for the best.
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband and that you’ve separated. It’s such a dreadfully destructive poison and really hard to take control of your own rational thoughts and emotions when caught up in it all. It must have been such a shock when you didn’t know why things had become so difficult. Emotional whiplash is a good description. I hope you are taking care of yourself and finding some comfort and peace of mind x