Hi David,
I know what you mean there are like two people and you do feel like the good one is lost in there. The only thing is they have chosen to be lost as there are people in recovery who choose not to carry on living this way.
For me it feels more like being cheated on with all the heart break, the apologies the second chances, The other person sneaking around trying not to get caught. And then when they do get caught they are so sorry and regret it yet they go and do it again.
Reading your other answers I would imagine shes only held onto the home, family etc as you have been holding it all together up until 5 weeks ago, I don’t think that she will keep hold of all of this as time goes on. I would say maybe that would be the rock bottom she needs to change her life, but it sounds like that already happened when you met her.
In terms of her having a realisation I don’t think that can ever happen while that lifestyle is still what she wants. In all the years my husbands most dramatic improvement has been the last few months when he started to actually want to change himself.
Have you been keeping busy since you left? Will your furlough be ending soon?