Hi,
I’m sorry to read what you’ve been going through. It’s been really tough for you. If you would like some more support for yourself you might want to contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people dealing with addiction in their family, like yourself. if you get ion touch one of our Family Friends would speak to you. They are trained and very experienced, and maybe talking with one of them would help you to move forward.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.