Yes I agree, it is hard to work out when one begins and ends with the nasty personality. I’ve also heard all the verbal abuse of how awful I am, how he’s no longer interested in me and since he was arrested I’ve not heard the end of how badly scarred he is from that instance. That it was all my fault and he did nothing wrong and I pushed him first. I gently remind him I’ve tolerated his continual angry outbursts, threatening words, pointing his finger close to my face, putting his foot close to my face and before I pushed him away, he’d gestured a shoe box close to my face which was the final straw. So he doesn’t see what happened being a consequence of his behaviour and inability to control his anger and emotions. But telling his friends I am a psycho. Even when the police came he was trying to laugh it off and minimise what happened. A ‘drama queen’ is the phrase I hear repeated often. The only drama is what he constantly creates! I’m horrified and embarrassed this is actually my life and happening to me.
So I truly empathise with your situation and I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it must be with small children and dealing with an addict. My partner has 2 beautiful daughters who he barely keeps in touch with. He was a young Dad so one is 20s and the other a teen. He calls them and talks about himself.
My partner also wants to shut me out and not accept any support unless it suits him or he’s . He won’t even discuss anything. It would be better if he left and I’m sure that will happen. He too is enjoying having the control that he will make the decision to leave when he wants to, not when I ask him.
The patterns of behaviour are all so familiar. Stay sane and happy. I’m sure your children bring you much joy xx