Your experience sounds similar to mine, I too have had to involve the police and I have questioned myself in my reactions but like you say the constant abuse for me it would be the c word and nag and it really isn’t ever justified for taking it that far. All couples argue but he would go the extra and get nasty. Then tell me I was the one acting like a ‘b end’. Now I know it’s cocaine it completely all makes sense because it’s tactics to manipulate and justify using etc. But there is only so much you can take and for me I actually thought it was an affair but I was never going to get ration or reason out of him. I wish I’d known sooner. I’m embarrassed too because we are respectable people with good professions nice house etc which has all had to go. The final straw was the continued lack of respect for me & the name calling/temper in front of the children.
It is very difficult I never imagined being a single parent this scenario I find myself in never crossed my mind & it’s difficult to talk about it when friends who don’t know etc say things like make sure you get help from him still with the children when I actually can’t (nor would I want it obviously!).
His mind games and to-ing and fro-ing is a lot to take emotionally and of course I have hoped since finding out about the drugs that he would change and I’d get my husband back.
I’ve accepted that won’t happen.
To hear your partner has children who he doesn’t bother with much confirms how much this affects them and their relationships and inability to be consistent. I also really appreciate the other users post about her son, three years of this I can’t imagine. But I do worry about him constantly being in the background/ trying to have contract but not ever helping himself so no further forward and the children will suffer for it. Not right now maybe but mentally way off in the future as at some point they will know the truth I imagine and that is devastating for me to think this is what their lives has turned into when they were born into what seemingly was a lovely family home and marriage (my husband’s cocaine use started a few months before I fell pregnant first time, apparently and this makes sense with behaviour changes).
It does give me confidence to not doubt myself or fall for any of the rubbish that comes out of his mouth because there’s no proof or consistency to say otherwise anything has changed. So these posts really help realise this is not unusual behaviour for an addict! It’s so sad. It’s said time again on here but it’s an evil drug. X