David, thanks, thank goodness job isn’t on that list, as long as it is, thank goodness you do have some stability. When you say you’ve lost family, do you mean the family circle you created with her, I.e.. you/her and the step-kids? Or do you also mean you are somewhat disconnected from your own blood relatives?
Also, don’t sit and wonder about her next partner, I expect she hit the jackpot with you, sounds like her life hasn’t lacked dramas, and I’m not meaning to sound rude here, but drama suggests to me her expectations of other people and herself are rather low. Just look at the company she keeps and her inability to sustain stability in several forms. And as for users surrounding themselves with other users, my bf doesn’t tend to do as much of that as others do, although I think partly that’s an age thing, but when he does it’s just circumstantial meetings as a consequence of similar lifestyle choices. That whole relatability thing. Also, he’s always told me how time spent time with other addicts only made him realise no matter how nice they are to him, they’d sell any part of him they could, if they could.
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I expect the next guy your girl gets with doesn’t take much thinking about on her part.
I could also be wrong, but I wouldn’t be surprised if, as you haven’t heard from her in a while, that the next time you do hear from her is after she’s had a rebound gone wrong and longs for the ex (you), as so is often the case. Anyway, just speculating here, and if that is case, even if she offers you the apology you want, in any form, I urge you to take it with a pinch of salt, for both your sakes.
As for sharing your life with the good version of her, quite honestly, and I’m guessing here, you sound like you’re early 30’s, stable job, all be it on furlough, and you do sound very handy around the house, very supportive, in touch with your emotions, so many girls would absolutely jump through hoops to be with a charming sounding guy like you. Real talk. How do you know she was so perfect for you?
If it’s a question of will you meet someone else you feel a connection with? I’m wondering, have you tried? As scary and as daunting as it sounds. I’m not in any doubt that you can.
As for me, we have no bounds, no. I’ve prioritised other things over children, i moved in with my mum and have been here through lockdown, so we’re not currently living together. I since decided I want my own place, so I’ve gone and taken steps to do that. I’m in the process of moving, it’s lovely, so I’m happy about that. I have space to breathe. I can’t tolerate the drugs anymore, irrespective of how much I love him, but now, it’s not the same.
I suppose I’ve never been careful enough about who I share my life with, in relationship terms anyway. Now I’m nearing another decade, it’s kind of now or never to start making the right decisions, or risk not knowing enough about my own life to be able to share it and have someone truly share who I am, or even begin to appreciate the person I hope I am/the person I’m trying to be, faults and all.
It’s true what they say, the relationships forged when we are young really are some of the most important of our lives.
I also haven’t quite given up on the children thing, but I’m starting to, age is winning that, as well as many other battles now.
Sending care, and reminding you, do be kind to yourself. Xx