Hey Paul – Thanks for the words 🙂
In short, no, you’re not the problem, you are her crutch, which is a good thing, as much as it may seem pointless.
I was the same, with my parents, my friends, my girlfriend – I had anger towards them and would never stop to think how it was effecting them. To start with obviously no one knew, but when I knew it was becoming a problem I told my girlfriend, she had actually been thinking I was having an affair, from the late nights, being distant, sex life etc, so in a weird way it was a relief to her to find out I wasnt.
Even after telling her I kept using, things got worse in terms of addiction, I spent more than I could afford, begged, borrowed and stole to get a fix and at times even did it in front of her – BUT I honestly believe this was the difference maker, the fact that it wasnt a secret any more and the fact I had someone to talk to and be there for me.
There is one memory that has always stuck with me, as if it had happened not 10 minutes ago, we were arguing as I wanted to go get some, or I could have been asking her for money, one or the other, or both, and I remember walking out of the bedroom and shouting “so why are you even with me then”, her reply was simply “because I love you”, even typing that makes me emotional, the point Im trying to make is that although right in the moment it may feel like your words, or advice, or love, are making no difference what so ever, but I promise you they are, even if in the smallest way it will make a difference and your girlfriend will use those moments to reflect on and draw strength from when the time is right, but its got to be on her terms and when its right for her.
With regards to her family, do you have a good relationship with them? I assume they know what kind of person you are from the amount of time you have been together? They would also know there are two sides to every story.
Have you had a conversation with your girlfriend with regards to stopping? Or thinking of stopping? Does she confide in you when she has taken some?