Hi Betsy
Hope you’re alright. I know it probably is alot to take in know and you have every right to feel the way you do.
I think it’s a brave thing he has done coming clean to you. It says a few things. 1 he obviously is remorseful and wants to stop and knows its an issue, 2 he trusts you, as believe me, this is probably the biggest secret he has and one that he is most ashamed about. It also says he very much loves and cares for you and wants you to know what’s going on in the hope of saving your relationship.
What’s important know is communication and support. If possible, try to find out why he has been doing it. If you can, try to avoid demanding exact details like dates when’s how much etc and then trying to peice together exact nights and using it against him for example “so whilst I was out having dinner with friends that night and you said you was doing this… In fact you was doing that” that will make him close up and not want to talk.
No one wants to become addicted and its important to know that although you feel betrayed, he never did any of this to hurt you. This drug can take a grip of the most decent man and make them do things they never thought they would.
If you have a friend you can trust to talk to this about maybe talk to them about the feelings you have like the anger etc as directing that at him straight away will effect how honest he is with you.
If he is stopping then he is about to go through a pretty tough mental battle and he will already feel the guilt and shame himself without having someone telling him that he is this and that.
That being said I’m not suggesting you walk on egg shells and don’t address the issues it has caused in your relationship but give him the chance to get clean and his head back on straight first so he can be himself when rebuilding with you.
Alot of people turn back to drugs as a coping mechanism and sadly a lot of the time it’s hard to break the cycle when dealing with the consequences of your actions making you feel so worthless and guilty.
I’m giving this advice on the pretence he is a good man. If however you find that you’re being taken advantage of and he continues to use it while lying to you about it my advice would be for your own well being to step back until he sorts himself out. Many partners go through hell with partners for years lying about using and it can turn people crazy constantly trying to catch the other out.
Hope this helps and I wish you both well x