Thanks for posting and sharing your story. I’m sorry that things aren’t good for you at the moment because of your partner’s addiction. If you would like some help for yourself please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people going through addiction in their family. We have trained and experienced people you could talk with called family friends, and talking with one of them might help you to answer some of your questions.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.