Hey, our situations sound really similar and you sound like a very smart and caring partner who can still have “healthy” thoughts about this. I hear you on wanting to feel more prepared to deal with it. I’ve read a ton, watched videos etc, I’ve even been to my own counsellor so I could learn to try and be “cool with it”.
We had a situation two months ago when I went away with a girl friend for the night….long story short he used, and there was lies involved of course. I came back the next day dead ass calm and told him that I can’t be with a cocaine user let alone become a blended family and raise 4 kids with one (he has two boys). I tried to avoid coming home and having the talk while he was on a come down, but me not coming home would have been awful for him and I just couldn’t do that (though with hindsight I wish I did). When he’s coming down he’s what I call “flat” for days and says all the right things….and then that disappears and now we’re back in this awkward place where he hasn’t brought it up for weeks and I don’t know if should (like “hey just checking in how’s it going quitting coke”) or if I should just totally ignore it in absence of any “incident” of catching him red handed.
Deep down he doesn’t want to quit yet, I know it. He thinks he can use “one in awhile”….even though before quarantine he was using multiple times per week. His job in sales was the issue, always entertaining clients, going to concerts sporting events etc. He was literallly paid to party. He still has his same job, so I told him even though the use is minor now…he’s a fool for thinking he can go back to that environment and not have a weekly or worse habit again. To be clear I mean when our city opens back up, we’re still in strict quarantine right now, working from home, no dine in restaurants etc
One of my fears is that I won’t know when to truly leave….when is it really the last chance? I’m sure you can relate, and it’s sucks that the benchmark is “when it impacts your daughter”….that’s mine too. But I wish they’d get it through their heads that rock bottom is when you put down the shovel, not when you let it progress to hurt your family and children!
Anyways, long winded way to say that I’m happy to chat and offer support. It’s not easy loving someone with a cocaine issue. I’m trying to find my way through this too. Sometimes, for no reason, I’ll convince myself I’m being stupid and come up with my plan to leave….but then I go back to “well it’s not bad…..yet!”