Hi Lece13
Sounds like things are still very much a living nightmare. Have you used any of the wellbeing services on line?
You really need to put you first now and your children. He clearly isn’t ready to start his recovery.
It’s taken me 2 decades to learn that I can not fix addiction, to stop enabling it and to put me first. My career was even around it. It was not healthy!
My loved one is doing ok in his journey of not using. I am not part of this journey now, because I can never forget or trust him and a huge part of me is just awaiting his next lapse.
I’m proud he is working on him, he’s still very much in the early stages, but this time he seems to want to be clean.
I will never trust him, always question him and never ever forgive him for choosing a decade of drug use over his wife and family. I am not able to be around him as anything but the mother of his kids.
I love him, but he destroyed me mentally. He is recovering and I’m recovering from years of battling with his addiction and the mental torture he inflicted on me from his addiction.
We see him. He’s now a much better dad. Every time I weaken I remind myself he’s an addict and all the years I wasted crying.
Please look after you. Do not waste your life trying to battle his addiction. We can not fix others.
My husband said he had to literally lose everything to see this wasn’t what he wanted to live like or die from. I had to let go…. to start living again.
Love, hope and hugs xx