Hi Esta.
I haven’t been on here for a while. Was avoiding all connections with my demons of anything related to my loved one and his addiction.
Sounds like you also hit breaking point. Are you still finding you and not him? It’s crazy how we react isn’t it. I hate violence and for me to want to physically hurt someone was a major wake up.
I have stuck to my guns. I am working on me. My loved one is doing really well so far in regards to starting recovery. He booked himself into 28 detox, has a sponsor, is working full time and is not in my life, only as a dad.
He states losing us was what he needed. Im still very negative and just waiting for a call to say he’s lapse or overdosed. I’ve given no false pretence and no goals for him to achieve in order to be back here.
I’m in a good place. My days are no longer absorbed with his addiction, or questioning why, if or maybes.
My enabling his behaviours, my constant forgiveness and hope of change was toxic and a major feed for his cocaine addiction.
I too hate drugs, I’ve always been passionate about recovery and gain so much from helping others….. but now my days are spent on my kids and my well being.
Thank you for your experience, it really made me think I was not crazy or a bad person. We are humans who will snap when pushed to our limits time and time again.
Much love xx