Hi lonelygirl,
I am so sorry you are going through this… I have been through very similar. I totally get how let down you feel about your mum and I also get the feeling of loneliness. My partner does not understand my mum’s addictions either and it causes many arguments between us.
You are NOT being selfish at all… the two people who I presume are closest to your are not emotionally available and you are going through something horrific and traumatic. No one wants to see their mum take hard drugs and anyone would react in exactly the same way you did.
In times like this we need to have a support network that we can turn to when it gets too much, and it must be even worse for you because you are living in the same house as your mum.
As I say I often feel quite alone… no one understands or knows what to say because their mum is not an addict. To a degree I understand that…. how are people supposed to know how you feel if their mum is not an addict? Just remember your feelings are valid.
Whatever you decide to do please always put your needs and your mental heath and wellbeing before anyone else’s.
xxx