I’m so sorry you are going through this,
but yes it makes sense to us that are in this situation.
I found out at new year that my husband has a secret cocaine addiction, after almost two years of watching my marriage decline and not really knowing why – it all suddenly made sense. At first I was relieved to know why and thought it could be fixed but it only seemed to spiral more out of control. We were already living separately- he had the breakdown and suicidal threats/ thoughts pre finding out about the drugs – this all came again after the admission and like you my husband won’t talk to me, blames me for everything, goes awol and has little to do with our very young children (im safeguarding them anyway) and he is extremely manipulating and emotionally abusive. Generally he just acts like none of this is a problem and it’s me with the problem.
I too ask what about me/ us why weren’t we enough, when will he see the light, is it really me and not him that’s caused this. It’s a stolen life / future and it’s a grief but one that keeps throwing curve balls when they decide to become more ‘human’ but I’ve found in my husbands case that’s only to try and start manipulating again as it’s never sincere and never lasts.
It’s like emotional whiplash.
I’ve started divorce proceedings, although this devastates me. I gave a chance for him to figure himself out separately but the cocaine is just more important or has had such a grip that he doesn’t think rationally anymore. Some days he wants his family back the next minute he doesn’t – that’s no life for us to be messed around. That’s without the betrayal and lack of trust!
I struggle every day with the loss of our future and our plans and finding myself a single parent (completely as he is absolutely unreliable and also not allowed access until he sorts himself) we had a nice life – professional people with good jobs and no real worries.
This site is comforting in knowing others relate as generally in life I’ve not met many who could! Affairs and normal marriage breakdowns but finding out your husband has a secret coke habit – it’s off the charts!
Look after yourself xx