DaveD thanks for the words I appreciate another view . I know deep down he’s likely to be lying as for someone who did it everyday for god knows how long to just cut it completely – I can’t buy into it .
I’m still watching him and I’ve ended up yet again saying I don’t trust him . He’s come home numerous nights again looking not just right still .. but drinking every night I honestly can’t tell the difference and have asked him to have a night of the drink to see my actual husband without a drop of booze . And then This is how I’m hanging on by a thread during an argument – telling him I want him to take a home drugs test to prove himself .. as I write this I know I sound neurotic . But he’s still deleting the “coke mates “ messages (he doesn’t know I know that ). And every night/morning we have this running nose from hay fever!!
I’m trying to care for my small kids , run a house and keep my job and just basically keeping the front up to the outside world .
I feel like if I take my eye off the ball and let this sink in – it’s going to engulf me and I have no one to talk to.
Bottom line – think I’m just waiting to find the next thing ..
CLB – it’s a hard place where we sit . Sounds so similar . It’s horrendous and I’m sorry your going through this too . Don’t doubt yourself – you have given as much as you can . The rest is up to him and that’s his choice if that’s with or without you as brutal as that sounds .
Wishing you lots of luck and strength x