Hi,
I’m glad that you were able to post on the forum and let out how you are feeling. I’m so sorry that you are feeling so alone dealing with your husband’s drinking. Maybe you would like some support for yourself. If so please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people who are having to deal with addiction in the family because we know that it can be really tough. We have trained and experienced people called Family Friends who you could talk to if you get in touch. maybe talking with one of them would help you to answer some of your questions and find a way forward.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org
All the best to you.