I feel your pain I really do; I have been there.
My ex wanted a child but his addiction became bigger and more important than anything including us. Home changed from a house full of love and laughter and became a place where he came to recharge his batteries between binges. Sorrows for the last binge and then causing rows to get out on the next one.
One thing I have to say is consider all the pain and stress you are going through.
If you have a child together and he does not totally turn away from the addiction; ALL the feelings and chaos you are experiencing will be felt by your child also and amidst this will you be able to concentrate on being the parent you want to be, and to be supported yourself with the love and care you deserve.
You are already describing that you feel better when he was away and you could concentrate on yourself.
He has a wonderful caring woman in his life who loves and supports him and unfortunately the addiction is still a stronger pull. It’s heartbreaking ???? sending you strength