Hi ,
I am also new here, my husband of 19 years has had a serious cocaine /MDMA addiction for the past 3 years.
We split in late 2019 his choice to leave after apparently I had become a tyrant , an abuser and a complete narcissist. Realism is I was the one trying to fix him ….. oh how silly was I. In the year before he moved out he started staying out , lying hanging around with people half his age spending less time with me and his son. I had messages saying he had cheated on me and his phone was never far from his side. I believed every word he said when he told me it was because I was being unkind , nagging, trying to control him and that I was the one whom needed help. I started to believe him as he would lie and cover his tracks making me doubt my own thoughts even when I had evidence. I started self-harming and spent a year getting counselling for all the stuff he put in my head. Which I now know was wrong he was 100 %manipulating and gas lighting me .
He owed his customers 64K and went bankrupt, I was totally unaware of his business debts.
What ensued after he left was him still using although he did he kept coming back into my life and even after him moved on with a childhood ex , he claimed he wanted me back. In the end we started to rekindle things ..then I found out he was with her also He was faced with his truths when she and I finally met … he had told her to block me on socials as I was a crazy psycho.
When he was found out he threatened suicide, all of a sudden I was left with this broken shell of a man , the father of my child whom I loved dearly. He promised to get clean so last year before Christmas he moved back in …
I struggled with the infidelity but after a few weeks of being humble I was getting … ” well you need to forgive & forget and don’t as forget you drove me out of my own home with your behaviours so that’s how I met her” Unreal eh ……Then the signs started again the paranoia the voices in his head , the accusation of affairs, checking my phone Facetiming me when I was out to see where I was , I never had anything to hide so he found nothing of course , so then he tried to break me down again saying … it’s your moods , your temper, once again he was trying to break me. Get counselling you psycho he would say , the awful things he has said to me and even our son the old him would recoil in horror.
Now onto my son he is 15 and was old enough for me to tell him what was happening, he wasn’t stupid he knew. Our son told him he knew he begged him to stop…. he said he would. He didn’t ….. even after a few weeks when we found out he had relapsed we both said relapse again and we want no more to do with you until you are clean and sober .. guess what he relapsed. Yup not even his son turning his back on him is enough.
He has been gone a week now after faking a drug test, I could see it was fake pee and it was of course he denied it and in the end threw it in my face… it was synthetic urine brought off the internet… he planned to fail. Don’t trust a sample unless they hand it back to you after weeing and if they really do mean to get clean they won’t mind doing that. Apparently it comes with a small thermal heater that after the mix it with water they have to keep it body temperature so when he came in and went straight to the toilet still with his coat on do this sample to prove his innocence naturally alarm bells rang. So be wise on that one .
I am not letting him back now I have enabled him for years and caused myself so much pain, no way am I letting him do that to our child too. He drinks heavily now and still refuses to see he has a problem it is always me driving him to it.
I get texts that are abusive one second full of sadness another … he tries to guilt me, manipulate me, it’s a cycle of misery for us all.
I choose me now , I can’t change him nobody can. He is a master at manipulation but as much as it breaks my heart I have to let him reach rock bottom, who knows he may realise what he has lost and do something about it or he may find somebody new to sell his story to, so he can continue his story with me as an abuser and him the victim.
But enough is enough now…. my advice to all is this.
He or she loves drugs more than you or anybody else including their children.
Drugs comes first ALWAYS
They will manipulate you and yes they will probably cheat -especially with cocaine