Firstly you didn’t deserve it … and secondly all this is coming from a person with a mind that is no longer controlled by him … it sounds like some weird science film doesn’t it . But cocaine rewrites the brain and what you are left with now is a mind that had one purpose to use cocaine , feed its ego , manipulative and lie .
He won’t care what he says of course the old him would probably be devastated but this version lacks empathy , it’s the coldest most harming part of it .
The first thing you need to do is stop your own toxic thoughts about yourself .
You are enough
You tried everything
What you are doing now is helping him although you don’t think you are .
Don’t try and understand why he says what he says or does what he does , you won’t ever so don’t try .
Surround yourself with people who build you up , write yourself a sticky with positive affirmations that you see in the morning .
I am enough
I am strong
I am a good person
I deserve better
This too shall pass .
It happened to me and it is happening to lots of other amazing women. I wish there was a way I could contact you directly it’s going to be tough but you can and will get through this we all will .