I resonate so much with all these threads. I’ve been in a constant boom bust cycle with my partner for over a year now with cocaine addiction. He was doing zoom CA for around 8 weeks but half heartedly so it was inevitable a relapse would take place. I’m now at my ‘rock bottom’ with his behaviour. I have a brother with psychiatric problems who went missing recently and he was completely unsupportive throughout this, actually having a go at me for being upset about it!? I could tell this was because a relapse was about to happen. I ended up at the doctor last week as have been unable to wake up no matter how much sleep I have and have constant tightness in my chest and arms. Doctor told me it’s because your body becomes used to being in a certain state of panic and my subconscious about him relapsing is preying on me. He’s pretty sure blood tests will reveal nothing and has referred me for counselling. I am very fortunate to have access to these things via my work.
He did use a few days later and twice this week. He never apologises and just directs horrific emotional abuse towards me. I told him he now has to leave and now that he has realised I’m serious about it he has become even more nasty. Apparently he hates me, I have nothing, I am false, I am ugly, I am an oddball, I have no friends. I have flabby arms and stomach, my brother is a mongo (!!), he doesn’t want to be near me, he can’t stand me, I’m controlling etc etc etc. I know I’m none of these things. I’m an attractive, kind and loving person living with an unsupportive, arrogant cocaine addict. Oh and I saw he was using Tinder. And has been talking to another woman on whatsapp. It’s actually all quite helpful because although incredibly painful and sad to think how our life is without cocaine, I’m not willing to accept this as my life. We only have one right? He lives in my house which I own and is being difficult about moving out (not sure why if he dislikes me so much). He has a home in a different city so I’m praying he gives his tenant notice and leaves soon. I have a friend coming to stay in a few weeks. Hopefully this will nudge him into action. I feel sick to the stomach of what I’m going to be dealing with over the next month or so.
Sending much love and thoughts to everyone who is suffering with an addicted loved one. X