Hi MB345 I’m so sorry to read your post as it is identical to what my son did to his ex wife. 3 years ago it all came to a head after their son was 8 months old and she couldn’t take anymore. He is/was a typical cocaine/gambling/alcohol addict. He is 33 but has gambled from a very early age on slot machines then bookies and online. What none of us realised was that he was gambling to pay for his coke addiction which sadly got worse causing the break up. He would do all the things you say your partner is doing, lie be verbally abusive towards her, blame her, use all their money so she had to ask her parents for money to buy formula, twice I had to pay their mortgage. He spent most of his time In bed sleeping it off, no help to his pregnant wife or newborn baby. It was relentless culminating in a break up and divorce which wasn’t his fault if you listen to him. She suffered badly with her nerves, lost her hair, lost weight but I’m so grateful that she found the strength to take this huge step because she is recovering from the hurt and mental abuse she suffered and their son is not witnessing the trauma that would have taken place had she stayed. Fast forward to today and I’d like to give you a happy ending but sadly he has still been using and gambling. He did try a local drug councelling service but he just used lip service to appease everyone. We’ve had countless showdowns about his behaviour but he shows no remorse. The amount of money he has borrowed/gambled to feed his habit is in a 6 figure sum and a lot of that is to us. We have not been strong enough to not help him when he has been crying and begging us to help him, when he promises to stop, when he says he doesn’t want this life, when he threatens us with ending it all if we don’t. He has had a new girlfriend on and off for 2 years but she has said enough is enough now. The worrying thing is he will pester her and pester her like he did with his wife causing her to be more anxious than she already is. He used to be such a fun loving son with lots of friends but now is isolated, lives on his own, speaks to no one and is so selfish. He does have a great bond with his son though and is still holding down a job but this is not how I, as a mother, hoped my son would turn out. So my advice to you because I have seen first hand what this awful drug does is to take your babies and leave. You cannot sustain this relationship unless he stops and if his family are blaming you too, you will suffer more than already are. It’s no life. I thought that my grandson would be reason enough for my son to stop but I was wrong. You are worth more than this so be strong and put you and your children first. Sorry to be so blunt at the end xx
