Hi emz66
Welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one with an addiction. Its a good place to come and chat to others who are in similar situations.
You are so young, I was sad to read your story. My son has addictions and over the years it’s been hard but I know it was hard for his younger sister.
Having someone in the family with an addiction is very stressful.
I wondered if you had someone in school like a guidance/welfare person who you could talk to confidentially. At least the school would support you a bit more?
It would be good if you had a hobby you were interested in, or if you are sporty, cycling, walking.
My daughter loved musical theatre and joined a group. It helped her with her anxiety and boosted her confidence. I know in some places it may be difficult because of covid. Even a nice walk somewhere pretty or a bus to the seaside. Listening to your favourite songs and dance around your room would be good too ! I’m getting a bit old for that now!
Your dad will still love you, but as others have said, the addiction just takes over their lives and their thoughts and makes them selfish and unfeeling towards people closest to them. Perhaps when he’s most sober let him know you still love him but he’s hurting you all because of his lifestyle.
Only he can make the decision to stop drinking and seek support, it’s the first step to recovery.
In the meantime, look after yourself sweetheart. ❤
Sending hugs
Lx